I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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