I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
