its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
