Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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