I think my vagina is haunted
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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