I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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