Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have feelings that need drinking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
