That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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