Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
