Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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