sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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