Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
