i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
