I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
