I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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