My friends, they love my intelligence
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
