it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
