happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
