I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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