We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
