Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
