I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
