she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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