She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
