Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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