So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
