I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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