So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
