I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
