I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
