remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
