I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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