I wish I could punch you in the face.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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