is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
