did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Me too!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
