Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
