After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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