I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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