when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize