so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is it fun? or sober?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
