then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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