In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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