I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
