I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
