I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
