If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
