Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You have to summon your inner elephant
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize