Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Too much gin, very little bucket
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
