I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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