i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
