all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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