chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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