Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
