in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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