Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
