dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
