if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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