If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
