I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
