I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
