Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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