Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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