Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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