she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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