Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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