Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
