time to smoke my breakfast
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
