Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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